day 20 - free cupcakes

so i found out this morning... i'm a lard ass.
117.5
that is, 7.5 lbs more than my scale at home reads. granted, my scale reads 4lbs lighter than a proper working scale[this does wonders for my self image issues] but who the hell told my body it was okay to gain 3lbs? i know i didn't.

i eat when i'm upset, or bored. and i have been upset and bored a lot here. and once i start eating, i don't stop. until everything that i was eating, the entire package, is gone. and i'm not very good at picking the right food to eat. breakfast foods are what i eat mostly. cereal, cereal bars, waffles, fiber bars, mmm delicious.
i need to stop with that.
this morning i had two bowls of cereal, finish off a box within one day of buying it.
Dx

i'm awful, really.
but once i reach that point i stop.

i stepped on the scale before i got in the shower, wanting to see "120" so i actually scared myself into dieting. and what did i see? 116.
hell yeah.
lost a pound and a half~
i hadn't... you knowed. that morning. so i'm assuming it was for that reason.
as well i'm on my... you know. so i do have a little water weight.

this may sound extreme. and it is. i like to set unrealistic goals for myself.
but i'd like to be 110 by the time i leave here.
and 108 by the time i get home. since i'll be on the road so long i wont have time to eat. i'll be to busy driving. so that'd be wonderful.
:333

i lost 4 pounds in one day when i had food poisoning.
i know it sounds awful but i wouldn't mind having it again.
-weight issues-
did i scare you, mom?
i scare myself, too.

i am going to the vets tomorrow to make an appointment for Ejote, so she can get rabies shots, and w/e else the vet says i should get. it's a birthday present.
haha

my grandma said things to me today that i thought was rude.
we do know each other, yes, but we don't have a real connection. not to me at least.
she basically told me i was a moron for dropping out, and that i have no chance at making a real life for myself without going to high school and college.
let me make one thing perfectly clear, i am not an average person.
by no means do i ever want to live by societies standards, i would not enjoy that life style.
i don't enjoy people, i don't enjoy sitting, i don't enjoy anything that has a right or wrong answer, etc.
except baking, my dog, my best friend, making art out of humans, etc.
and i will make my life whatever i want it to be however i choose.
and will go back to every highschool teacher that doubted me, and shove it in their face. and to everyone that supported me, free cupcakes.
:3

my mother says she feels like a bad parent because i dropped out.
i feel like she's one of the only ones out there worth being a parent.
bad parents are the ones who lose their child, weather it be by drugs- death- or the children leave.
good parents are the ones who keep their kids happy- and still safe.
which is what she's done for me.
and she is the best parent i could wish for.